I was in London on business today, so thought that I would pop in to the "walk in" pre-assessment clinic and get that bit out of the way. Tedious, but once you are in the clutches of the NHS you will be heavily penalised for not following the rules! I figured that once I had been through this, they will have no excuse not to book me in for the next part of the journey: the biopsy.
Arrived at the shiny reception are in the main hospital and asked directions to the pre-assessment clinic. Oh dear................. the answer one dreads: "the what?". I explained again and the young man asked me for the usual formula of name, rank and serial number. He fiddled with his computer terminal and informed me that I did not have an appointment booked today, or indeed any future appointment booked. Fortunately I was rescued by the young lady sitting next to him who did know about the clinic and gave me directions to it.
Feeling lazy, I thought that I would take the lift. Mistake! If you are on the ground floor of UCLH and want a lift, it involves a long wait. Not being good on the patience front, I went up the stairs.
Found the clinic and walked in (as per instruction). Waited for the receptionists to finish whatever it was they were doing at the time and explained that I had dropped in to get my pre-assessment for a biopsy. "Oh, this is not a drop-in clinic, it is a walk-in clinic and we are not expecting you". The difference between "drop-in" and "walk-in" was lost on me, but it was obviously very important to the staff. "I will have to take advice; please take a seat and complete one of these forms". Progress! At least I had not been thrown out and had been given something to do..............I joined the 3 other people sitting in the waiting area.
Much muttering behind the reception desk between the receptionist and someone sitting behind a screen.............. 2 minutes later a healthcare assistant called my name, introduced herself and whisked me off to a small room. Blood pressure and sats taken, blood extracted, a few questions and returned to the waiting area having been told that another nurse would come for me in a few minutes.
Sure enough, a few minutes later, a door opened and a staff nurse called my name. She went through a long list of questions about my health and it became obvious that I was being assessed for an anaesthetic of some kindwhen she asked me who would collect me after the biospy . I asked and was told that the form from the doctor said I was going to be sedated and that they would not let me out of the building afterwards unless someone came to collect me. I patiently explained that I do not "do" sedation, but will be quite happy with access to entonox (gas and air). Oh dear, I was not playing the game again..............
Fortunately, this was a very nice nurse and we had already had a good conversation about the NHS, her son's problems, my former employment in the NHS etc. She assured me that she would send an email to the relevant team explaining that this particular victim wished to remain sentient throughout and would reject intravenous sedation. We shall see if this produces a positive result................
Less than an hour from entry to exit. I think that this might be a new record!
Today's song. Funny how titles stay in the brain after all these years.......
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ImVlwiuMQk
If that was a little too hardcore for you, another version (unfortunately after the band "went off")
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bDciFvBG8a4
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