No plans to post an entry today, but this is worth sharing.
I love playing with language and (this is a bit sad) enjoy the pedantry of correcting bad grammar, pronunciation etc. So opening the "preparation pack" and reading some of its contents was a joy. There were three pieces of paper generated by the hospital that were of particular entertainment value:
A "pre-procedure questionnaire" which asked some wonderful questions, such as "do we have your details correct?" The details on this sheet consisted of my name (they got that wrong!) and hospital number. They had left things like address and NHS number blank. Given that both are on the hospital record system, this seemed a little slipshod. Other questions included: "Do you have a Hospital Acquired Infection?" I was tempted to answer that I do not, but may have by the time they have finished with me on Wednesday.............
The second was a leaflet which gave instructions for the industrial drain cleaner contained in the pack (you get the idea). Curiously, the section on eating, drinking and taking the drain cleaner did not match the leaflet that the manufacturers included with their product. Who should I believe? I opted for safety and will obey the drug company's leaflet.
The same hospital leaflet told me that, whilst the procedure was being carried out, a nurse would be with me to "provide reassurance"! After my encounter on Friday, I think that I will give that one a miss.
The third document was priceless. This was the appointment letter which told me that "The Trust aims to treat all patient's within........" A pedant's dream and the dream of all pedants. I love the Kent apostrophe: if in doubt, stick one in!
It's (see, an apostrophe!) the main body of the letter that really did it though:
"On the day of your procedure you may drink WATER only until two hours before your appointment time"
Bearing in mind that I am not supposed to eat anything for 24 hours beforehand, I initially took this as an invitation to indulge in a slap up meal anytime after 11:30. I already had the vision of a rare steak washed down with some Berry Brothers' claret as being the ideal way of taking my mind off what was to come. Then, despite reading what they wrote, I realised what they meant...............
The last paragraph was just plain weird. It warned that if you have sedation you should not drive home. Fair enough if you go with the heavy end of the sedation spectrum and do not know about Entonox. This was followed by a curious exhortation: "If you live alone (no comma) please ensure someone is with you overnight". Presumably people who live alone are expected to drag someone in off the street for the night? Possible perhaps, but would they want to be "with you"? The mind boggles!
Lastly, one of my pet hates about hospitals. I doubt that Medway is any different from the rest, but their letters and staff have the nasty habit of referring to people as "patients". I keep trying to tell them that this word should not be used to refer to me as a noun and that the adjective is entirely inappropriate when talking about me. I think they have understood the second part...............
With very little in the way of sarcasm, today's song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8h-oGEr-d7g
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